Coping with Divorce: A Self-Assessment Tool

Divorce, similar to marriage, can be a life-altering event. The process may feel like a whirlwind of simultaneous changes, each demanding practical and emotional adjustments. No matter the specific circumstances, divorce is bound to be an emotionally overwhelming experience on some level and it is important to establish some clarity - about how you’re coping in this tumultuous time. This assessment is designed to help you uncover your current coping strategies and check whether or not they are serving you effectively. Gaining clarity over this can help you adjust your approach, and eventually regain a sense of control over your healing journey.

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Self-Assessment: Coping with Divorce

Coping Strategies for Divorce

There are different types of coping strategies that people tend to rely on while dealing with their divorce. These can be aimed at managing emotions, working on practical solutions, adapting one’s beliefs to the new situation and sometimes temporarily distracting yourself from the painful experience. Every strategy has a purpose, and knowing which one you're employing might help you gain crucial insight into how you're actually managing the situation.

Emotional coping involves techniques that help you process your emotions in a healthy way like - journalling, emotional self check-ins, talking to a loved one, etc. Practical coping are the problem-solving strategies that one employs to actively overcome the stressful situation. This can look like planning and executing small steps to improve your daily routine and responsibilities as well as substantial tasks like legal measures, financial responsibilities and co-parenting etc. Cognitive adaptation means adjusting your thoughts and beliefs to your new reality such that it helps you lead a meaningful life. This can include reminding yourself why this decision was important, appreciating the positive changes it brought and trying to nurture an optimistic attitude about your future. 

Distraction-based coping can look like indulging in your hobbies, favourite self-care routines or other activities that take your mind away from the painful experience. While it can be helpful in the short run, it's critical to keep an eye out for instances where distraction develops into avoidance, particularly when it results in dissociating from your emotions, denying the present reality or unhealthy behaviours like substance abuse.

  • Rebuilding Post-Divorce

    Reflect on how you're doing emotionally and practically after the divorce—and where support might help you rebuild.

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  • Contemplating Divorce

    If you’re still unsure, this can help clarify what’s making you stay, what’s making you want to leave, and what you may need to make a decision.

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  • Single Parenting

    Check in with how you're coping with the emotional and logistical load of parenting solo—and what support could lighten the load.

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  • Loveless Marriages

    Explore if emotional disconnection was (or still is) a root issue - and what it’s left you needing to heal.

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  • Couple Relationships

    Reflect on patterns in your past relationship and better understand what you want, need, and deserve in future ones.

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Testing the effectiveness of Coping strategies post Divorce

Checking in with your emotions is one approach to determine whether your present coping mechanisms are effective. Do you have the capacity to experience all of life's emotions, including joy, calm, and sadness? Or do you feel emotionally detached or numb? Has your sadness escalated into a chronic low mood or symptoms of depression, or is it proportionate to what you're going through? Your coping mechanisms may need to be adjusted if you're dealing with intense emotions for extended periods of time without any relief.

You can also examine how you handle life's practical elements. Are you following your daily schedule, such as sleeping, eating, and maintaining hygiene? Are you able to handle obligations or concentrate at work without feeling worn out or disorganized all the time? Do you think you can manage more complex responsibilities like co-parenting difficulties, legal issues, or financial planning?

Lastly, consider your feelings toward your life following the divorce. Do you have a feeling of direction or hope? Are you starting to feel ready to appreciate your alone time or maybe to consider dating again? You can gain important insight into what's working for you and what could require attention or modification by standing back and thinking about these areas.

Approaches to help you cope with Divorce

Workshops

Learn tools and strategies for healing, rebuilding, and rediscovering yourself after divorce.

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1-on-1 Talk Therapy

Work through complex emotions and life transitions with therapists who understand the emotional and practical challenges of divorce.

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Therapist-Led Support Groups

Join one of our therapist-support groups led by top therapists to start navigating the complexities of separation and rebuilding.

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Unsure of your next steps?

Book an Exploratory Call with one of our therapists to gain initial insights, practical solutions, and personalized guidance on the best options for your needs.

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FAQs

As you’re figuring out your way after the divorce, you may hear a lot of opinions on how the process should look. Let’s bust some of those myths. a) “You should be over it by” now”—being “over” a divorce is not a straightforward, time-bound process; it looks different for everyone.b) “Finding someone new will fix everything”—while” a new relationship can offer some comfort and distraction, it cannot be a replacement for your inner work. True healing comes from recognizing your own patterns, emotional tendencies, and boundaries and dealing with them in a healthy manner.c) “If you’re staying busy, it means you’re” fine”—work and other obligations can be wonderful distractions while giving you the sense of achievement. However, they should not be used to delay the emotional work of processing the divorce.d) “You should be angry at your ex-spouse”—while” anger is a natural emotion that would follow a divorce, it is not the only one. You might feel a mix of emotions of anger, grief, self-pity, sadness, regret, etc. You don’t need to feel angry at your ex-spouse in order to heal from divorce.

There is no fixed timeline for recovering from a divorce. Everyone’s experience is unique to their situation—the length of marriage, nature of relationship, reason for divorce, financial and other practical repercussions, available support, and your coping strategies. Moreover, many of the phases of emotional recovery—of grief, anger, and loneliness—may come back. Although the process may seem unclear, you can use regular self-check-ins to track your progress. Not in terms of how much time has passed—but how you’re feeling and functioning.

Distraction becomes avoidance when it stops being a short break and starts becoming your main way of coping. Avoidance means that every time you come across a difficult emotion or thought, you distract yourself. Unhealthy indulgence shows up when long-term avoidance results in you ignoring your responsibilities, masking your emotions, or relying on unhealthy habits like drinking, smoking, overeating, etc.

Healing is never a linear process. Therefore, moving on does not mean that you don’t feel any grief, sadness, or anger about the divorce—it means that these emotions do not overpower your rationality, influence your decisions, affect your day-to-day functionality, or taint your perspective about love or life. Of course, you can get to this place only after processing your emotions and not by simply sweeping them under the carpet.

It’s important to ensure that you’re drawing support from your social network in your time of need. Willing members of your social groups—family, friends, colleagues, and neighbors—all can help you through this difficult time. Some of this support can be practical: taking care of legal proceedings, helping with household responsibilities, looking after your children, etc. Emotional support is equally important—providing a listening ear, space to process your emotions, and letting you know that they are there for you. You can even go beyond traditional social networks and seek support through online forums, support groups, etc. The key factor is to recognize where you need support and be open to asking for help.