You connected with someone and had been talking to them for the last month, sharing jokes and getting to know each other. But now their profile is *poof* – gone, vanished as if it never existed, and you realise with a sinking feeling that you have been ghosted.
Ghosting is when a person abruptly ends contact and communication with another person without providing any explanation. While this term is usually used in the context of dating and relationships, it can also be applied to family, friendships, or any other type of relationship.
Ghosting can leave a considerable emotional impression on the person who experiences it. People can have a range of reactions to being ghosted, including feelings of confusion and disappointment, anger, self-blame, or even feeling indifferent.
Why Do People Ghost?
It wouldn’t be accurate to say that ghosting is a modern-day issue that did not exist before; rather, the ease of connection that comes with the rise of technology contributes to why it has become a "new normal." Instant messaging, social media, and online dating have made ghosting much more visible and common.
Below are some reasons why someone may ghost:
Confrontation
For many people, confrontation can feel intimidating. Expressing feelings directly towards another person — such as saying, “I don’t think we’re suited for each other” — can invoke a fear of being perceived as the “bad guy” or causing emotional pain to the other person. In such a situation, avoidance can feel like a relieving escape, and ghosting revolves around running away from the uncomfortable feelings.
Lack of Communication Skills
Another reason is that the ghoster may believe they don’t have the communication skills to hold the conversation. Communication skills are important for expressing feelings and needs, building a connection, and navigating relationships. This is a skill that most of us weren’t taught (not an excuse for ghosting). Someone who struggles with this may prefer choosing the ‘easy’ route and putting an end to the conversation.
Emotional Immaturity
We talked about fear of confrontation and lack of communication skills being factors in why someone may ghost another person, and emotional immaturity is often intertwined with these. Ghosting often results from an inability to handle emotional responsibility. When someone hasn’t developed the emotional depth to sit with guilt or discomfort, they are more likely to avoid feeling them at any cost, which leads to them cutting off communication. It offers quick relief – no awkward talk and no responsibility.
Commitment
Ghosting is also often linked to underlying fear around commitment. Someone who’s scared of commitment may like the initial talking stages, where everything is light while you get to know each other, but any hint of the relationship getting serious may ring alarm bells in their brain. They may struggle with being vulnerable and opening up to someone else, and would rather choose ghosting as a way to escape that discomfort.
Undesirable Behaviour
Sometimes, the person doing the ghosting can choose to cut off contact because of the undesirable behaviour being showcased by the person being ghosted. If someone feels disrespected, repeatedly ignored, or unsafe (these are just a few of the reasons), they may choose to stop communication without any warning. In such a situation, ghosting is not seen as a sign of emotional immaturity, but more as a conscious decision to avoid unhealthy, uncomfortable, or disrespectful behaviour.
At the end of the day, ghosting is a behaviour that a person chooses to engage in, making it their responsibility.
And although humans are inherently social beings, we all have limits and need boundaries, rest, and personal space. It is normal not to reply to a text or return a call that very day. Moreover, technology has made it incredibly easy to disappear; with features like "block" or "mute," a person can vanish without a trace.
Ghosting may be becoming the “new normal,” but it doesn't have to stay that way. With honesty and courage, we can do better.
