Self-Assessment – Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety is often linked to childhood, but it can show up in adulthood as well. It may feel like a strong sense of unease when you’re away from someone you feel close to, or even when you think about being apart. At times, the feeling can come on quickly. At others, it builds slowly in the background. Even short separations may bring worry, restlessness, or a strong urge to stay connected.
You might find yourself checking your phone often, waiting for a reply, or feeling unsettled if there is a delay. Reassurance can help in the moment, but the feeling may return again.
This page focuses on that experience. It offers a self-assessment to help you pause and examine your patterns more closely. It can help you understand how separation may be affecting your emotions, your relationships, and your overall sense of security.

Adult Separation Anxiety Self Assessment Test

Note: How to Use This Self‑Assessment

To get the most from this self‑assessment:

  1. Set aside a few minutes in a quiet, private space.
  2. Reflect or journal as you response.
  3. Bring your insights to therapy or support groups
  4. Revisit the self‑assessment periodically, especially as you heal

Each response is just for you. The point of this self‑assessment is just to understand your current situation and emotional gaps.

When Being Apart Starts to Feel Difficult

Wanting closeness is a natural part of relationships. But sometimes, being apart can feel more intense than expected.

You may notice a strong need to stay in touch. For instance, you might check your phone often, look for reassurance, or feel unsettled if you don’t hear back quickly. Even when you know the other person is safe, the feeling may not fully settle.

There can also be a worry that something will go wrong. Thoughts about losing connection, being forgotten, or something happening to the other person may come up more often.

Anticipation can feel just as difficult. Before a separation, you might feel anxious, low, or distracted. Even routine situations like a partner traveling, a loved one leaving for the day, or spending time apart can feel heavier than they seem.

This can begin to affect daily life. You may avoid situations that involve distance, or feel less present when you’re apart because your attention stays focused on reconnecting.

Relationships can also feel strained at times. The need for reassurance may feel hard to explain, and you may worry about coming across as “too much.” At the same time, not expressing it can leave you feeling unsettled or alone.

Experiencing this does not mean you are overly dependent. It often reflects how your mind and emotions respond to connection, safety, and attachment.

Understanding Your Reactions to Separation

When separation anxiety feels strong, it can be difficult to step back and understand what’s happening. The focus often stays on reducing the discomfort in the moment.

Taking time to reflect can help you see your patterns more clearly. It allows you to notice what triggers these feelings and how you respond to them.

You might begin to recognize certain situations that increase anxiety. These could include physical distance, lack of communication, or changes in routine. You may also notice how quickly your thoughts move toward worry or worst-case scenarios.

It can also help to notice your responses. You may seek reassurance, check in frequently, or stay constantly connected. While these actions can feel comforting, they may also keep the anxiety active.

Another pattern to notice is how you feel after reconnecting. There may be relief, but it might not last long before the cycle begins again.

This is where a self-assessment can help. The self-assessment on this page offers a simple and structured way to reflect on your experience. It looks at patterns such as triggers, emotional responses, reassurance-seeking, and how separation anxiety may be affecting your relationships and daily life.

If separation anxiety feels intense or begins to affect your relationships, speaking with a professional can help you work through these patterns with more confidence.

Understanding your experience is an important step toward feeling more secure, both within yourself and in your relationships.

Take the self-assessment 

What this self-assessment covers.

  1. Have you felt more secure at home when you are with people that are close to you?
  2. Have you experienced difficulty in staying away from home for several hours at a time?
  3. Have you been carrying around something in your purse or wallet that gives you a sense of security or comfort?
  4. Have you experienced extreme stress before leaving home to go on a long trip?
  5. Have you suffered from nightmares or dreams about being separated from someone close to you?
  6. Have you experienced extreme stress before leaving someone close to you when going away on a trip?
  7. Have you become very upset when your usual daily routine is disrupted ?
  8. Have you been worried about the intensity of your relationship with those people closest to you, eg. that you are too strongly attached?
  9. Have you experienced symptoms such as headaches, stomach-aches or nausea (or other) before leaving for work or other regular activity outside the home?
  10. Do you find that you talk a lot in order to keep people close to you?
  11. Have you been especially concerned about where people close to you are going when you are separated from them, eg. when you leave them to go to work or go out of the house?
  12. Have you experienced difficulty in sleeping alone at night, eg. is your sleep better if someone close to you is in the house?
  13. Have you noticed that you are better able to go off to sleep if you can hear the voices of people, you are close to or the sound of the TV or the radio?
  14. Have you become very distressed when thinking about being away from people that are close to you?
  15. Have you suffered from nightmares or dreams about being away from home?
  16. Have you been worrying a lot about people close to you coming to serious harm, for example, meeting with a car accident, or suffering from a fatal illness?
  17. Have you become very upset with changes to your usual daily routine if they interfere with your contact with people close to you?
  18. Have you been worrying a lot about people you care about leaving you?
  19. Have you found that you sleep better if the lights are on in the house or in the bedroom?
  20. Have you tried to avoid being at home alone especially when people close to you are out?
  21. Have you suffered from sudden bouts of anxiety or panic attacks (eg. sudden shaking, sweating, shortness of breath, pounding heart) when thinking about leaving people close to you or about them leaving you?
  22. Have you found that you get anxious if you do not speak to people that are close to you on the telephone regularly, eg. daily?
  23. Have you been afraid that you would not be able to cope or could not go on if someone you cared about left you?
  24. Have you suffered from sudden bouts of anxiety or panic attacks (eg. sudden shaking, sweating, shortness or breath, pounding heart) when separated from people close to you?
  25. Have you been worrying a lot about possible events that may separate you from those close to you eg. because of work requirements?
  26. Have people close to you mentioned that you ‘talk a lot’?
  27. Have you been worrying that your relationships with some people are so close that it may cause them problems?
Take the self-assessment 

Unsure of your next steps?

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FAQs

Is separation anxiety only something children experience?

No, separation anxiety can also occur in adults. It often appears in close relationships or during times of change. The feelings can be just as real and intense.

Why do I feel anxious when I’m apart from someone?

This can be linked to attachment patterns, past experiences, or a need for emotional security. Your mind may associate closeness with safety. When that distance increases, anxiety can follow.

Is it normal to want reassurance?

Yes, wanting reassurance is natural in relationships. It helps you feel connected and secure. It can become difficult when the need feels constant or hard to manage.

How can a self-assessment help?

It helps you notice patterns, triggers, and responses more clearly. This can make your experience easier to understand. It also supports healthier coping strategies.

When should I seek professional support?

If the anxiety feels intense or continues over time, it may be helpful to seek support. This is especially important if it starts affecting your daily life or relationships. A professional can help you work through these patterns with more clarity.

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Anxiety → Porn Addiction → Overthinking → Narcissistic Abuse → Depression → ADHD → Borderline Personality Disorder → Couple Relationships → PTSD → Emotional regulation → Retroactive jealousy → Sleep Issues → Attachment Style → Grief → Narcissism → Postpartum Depression → Procrastination → Men's Mental Health →
Narcissistic Abuse Support Group → ADHD Support Group → BPD Support Group → Porn Addiction Support Group → Conscious Coupling → Divorce Support Group → Grief Support Group → PTSD Support Group → Childfree: Yes or No? → Emotional Regulation Support Group → Emotional Eating Support Group → OCD Support Group → Bipolar Disorder Support Group → Single Parenting Support Group → ADHD Parent Support Group →
ADHD Support Groups → Divorce Support Groups → Relationship Support Groups → Skill-based Groups → Addiction Support Groups → PTSD Support Groups → Emotional Regulation Support Groups → Support Groups for Women → Support Groups for Men → Patient Support Groups → Groups for Life Decisions → Support Groups for BPD → Support Groups for Depression → Postpartum Depression Support Groups → Groups for Couple Relationships →