Self-Assessment – Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety is not just something experienced by children and parents. Adults feel it too, especially when they are very attached to someone. It may feel like a strong sense of unease when you’re away from someone you feel close to, or even when you think about being apart.
You find yourself checking your phone, waiting for a reply, or feeling unsettled when someone you’re close to is away. Even when you know they are fine, you still feel the need to hear from them or stay connected.
If you’re trying to make sense of these anxious thoughts and feelings, an adult separation anxiety test can give you a simple way to look at what has been happening. This page talks about some of the ways separation anxiety shows up in everyday life and relationships.

Adult Separation Anxiety Test

Note: How to Use This Self‑Assessment

To get the most from this self‑assessment:

  1. Set aside a few minutes in a quiet, private space.
  2. Reflect or journal as you response.
  3. Bring your insights to therapy or support groups
  4. Revisit the self‑assessment periodically, especially as you heal

Each response is just for you. The point of this self‑assessment is just to understand your current situation and emotional gaps.

When Being Apart Starts to Feel Difficult

Wanting closeness is a normal part of having a relationship with someone. But being apart can feel quite difficult when separation brings up strong worry or discomfort.

Checking phone repeatedly, looking for reassurance constantly, or feeling uneasy when someone does not reply as quickly. You may know there is no real reason to worry, but still find it difficult to settle.

There are also thoughts about something going wrong. You worry about losing the person, being forgotten, or something happening to them while you are apart.

Sometimes the anxiety starts before the separation itself. A partner going away for a few days, leaving for work, or a loved one travelling may bring up worry before they have even left.

You may also change your plans because being apart feels difficult. You might avoid going somewhere alone, stay close to home, or find it hard to enjoy yourself when someone important to you is away.

These feelings affect relationships as well. You may want reassurance, but worry about asking for it too many times. So you end up keeping your worries to yourself and then feel more alone.

An adult separation anxiety assessment gives you some questions to think through these experiences. It covers things like how you feel when someone is away, if you seek reassurance, and how much separation affects your everyday life.

Feeling this way does not mean you are too dependent or that there is something wrong with you. But it helps to understand where certain reactions are coming from and how it affects you.

Understanding Your Reactions to Separation

When you’re in the middle of the anxiety, it is hard to think about what is actually happening. You just want the other person to come back, reply, or reassure you.

Looking at this pattern can paint a clearer picture of what’s going on. What usually sets your anxiety off? Is it physical distance, not hearing from someone, a change in routine, or something else?

You also look at what you do when the anxiety starts. You might send several messages, check when someone was last online, call repeatedly, or keep thinking about when you’ll hear from them.

An adult separation anxiety assessment test brings these different parts together. It asks about your worries, your reactions, and how much these feelings are affecting your relationships and daily routine.

You may also find that the anxiety settles briefly once you get a reply or reconnect with the person. Then, the worry may return the next time you are apart. Seeing this cycle can help you make sense of why reassurance feels good in the moment but does not always settle the worry for long.

You can also complete an adult separation anxiety assessment online if you prefer to think through these questions in your space and at your own pace. And it’s definitely a good starting point when you are unsure how much your reactions are affecting you.

Take the self-assessment 

What this self-assessment covers.

  1. Have you felt more secure at home when you are with people that are close to you?
  2. Have you experienced difficulty in staying away from home for several hours at a time?
  3. Have you been carrying around something in your purse or wallet that gives you a sense of security or comfort?
  4. Have you experienced extreme stress before leaving home to go on a long trip?
  5. Have you suffered from nightmares or dreams about being separated from someone close to you?
  6. Have you experienced extreme stress before leaving someone close to you when going away on a trip?
  7. Have you become very upset when your usual daily routine is disrupted ?
  8. Have you been worried about the intensity of your relationship with those people closest to you, eg. that you are too strongly attached?
  9. Have you experienced symptoms such as headaches, stomach-aches or nausea (or other) before leaving for work or other regular activity outside the home?
  10. Do you find that you talk a lot in order to keep people close to you?
  11. Have you been especially concerned about where people close to you are going when you are separated from them, eg. when you leave them to go to work or go out of the house?
  12. Have you experienced difficulty in sleeping alone at night, eg. is your sleep better if someone close to you is in the house?
  13. Have you noticed that you are better able to go off to sleep if you can hear the voices of people, you are close to or the sound of the TV or the radio?
  14. Have you become very distressed when thinking about being away from people that are close to you?
  15. Have you suffered from nightmares or dreams about being away from home?
  16. Have you been worrying a lot about people close to you coming to serious harm, for example, meeting with a car accident, or suffering from a fatal illness?
  17. Have you become very upset with changes to your usual daily routine if they interfere with your contact with people close to you?
  18. Have you been worrying a lot about people you care about leaving you?
  19. Have you found that you sleep better if the lights are on in the house or in the bedroom?
  20. Have you tried to avoid being at home alone especially when people close to you are out?
  21. Have you suffered from sudden bouts of anxiety or panic attacks (eg. sudden shaking, sweating, shortness of breath, pounding heart) when thinking about leaving people close to you or about them leaving you?
  22. Have you found that you get anxious if you do not speak to people that are close to you on the telephone regularly, eg. daily?
  23. Have you been afraid that you would not be able to cope or could not go on if someone you cared about left you?
  24. Have you suffered from sudden bouts of anxiety or panic attacks (eg. sudden shaking, sweating, shortness or breath, pounding heart) when separated from people close to you?
  25. Have you been worrying a lot about possible events that may separate you from those close to you eg. because of work requirements?
  26. Have people close to you mentioned that you ‘talk a lot’?
  27. Have you been worrying that your relationships with some people are so close that it may cause them problems?
Take the self-assessment 

Unsure of your next steps?

Book an Exploratory Call with one of our therapists to gain initial insights, practical solutions, and personalized guidance on the best options for your needs.

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FAQs

Is separation anxiety only something children experience?

No, separation anxiety can also occur in adults. It often appears in close relationships or during times of change. The feelings can be just as real and intense.

Why do I feel anxious when I’m apart from someone?

This can be linked to attachment patterns, past experiences, or a need for emotional security. Your mind may associate closeness with safety. When that distance increases, anxiety can follow.

Is it normal to want reassurance?

Yes, wanting reassurance is natural in relationships. It helps you feel connected and secure. It can become difficult when the need feels constant or hard to manage.

How can a self-assessment help?

It helps you notice patterns, triggers, and responses more clearly. This can make your experience easier to understand. It also supports healthier coping strategies.

When should I seek professional support?

If the anxiety feels intense or continues over time, it may be helpful to seek support. This is especially important if it starts affecting your daily life or relationships. A professional can help you work through these patterns with more clarity.

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